Love Others Unconditionally

It was almost ten years ago when our nest became officially empty. It was a depressing time in our marriage. As the weeks passed, my husband and I both became more sad and moody.

I knew I needed help out of this slump, so I made an appointment to see a pastor. Unsure of what he would recommend, I was shocked when I heard him say, “You need to love your husband unconditionally.”

But, what about me?

The pastor continued, “Love him the way YOU want to be loved—with no strings attached.”

That was it, three simple words that changed the course of our marriage: “Love him unconditionally.”

Not long after that visit with a pastor, I listened to a radio program about marriage. The advice given to the wife seared my soul: “If you want to be treated like a queen, you need to treat your man like a king.”

I had been treating my man like a pauper. I’d been pouting over not being needed as a mother on a daily basis anymore (something, at times, I would have loved to have resigned from just a few short years ago). I was feeling stuck in time, focusing on the past, instead of embracing how we finally had our lives back.

What can I do to make this next chapter of our lives anything but boring? How can I help to get us out of this rut?

The more I sought the Lord, the more amazed I was at the answers. First, I began my mornings reading about God’s love for us, and how He wants us to love others. I saturated my mind and heart with scripture verses pertaining to the theme of love. Then, I purposely began hugging my husband more. Judging by his shocked reaction, I painfully realized just how far apart we had grown. I began listening to him more intently, and amazingly he reciprocated, asking me sincerely about my day. The more things I did to please him, such as preparing his favorite foods and renting his favorite movies, the more he voluntarily helped with housework and asked me what he could do for me. I even watched some of his favorite shows with him instead of staying on the computer in the evenings, and he began handing me the remote, willing to watch shows I was interested in, too.

Gradually, our marriage became better than ever—a spark had been rekindled. We excitedly talked about the future, planning local day trips and anniversary vacations. We had a blast doing what we wanted, when we wanted.

That old principle once again held true: when we show love to another, especially when we don’t want to, our feelings will catch up. When we love those that seem hard to love, we are actually teaching them to love us back. It’s a mystery, how God works behind the scenes and changes hearts, but I’m grateful He does.

The bottom line is: God doesn’t give up on us when we’re unlovable, and He doesn’t want us giving up on others, either.

Our Lord Jesus Christ and God our Father loves us. Through His loving-favor He gives us comfort and hope that lasts forever. May He give your hearts comfort and strength to say and do every good thing (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17).

Retreats and Restoration

(My dear friend, Connie Johnston and I, at a book signing for Stories of Faith and Courage from Prison. Connie contributed several stories and is an Assistant Chaplain at the jail.)  

A few weeks ago I lamented to my friend, Connie, that I felt the need for a little “get away”. It had been too long since I had been on a vacation, and after the intense two years of focusing on the prisoner devotional book my soul longed for a period of restoration.

“Let me see what I can do about that,” Connie responded.

I really didn’t expect anything to transpire outside of maybe getting a few of us together for lunch and laughter. So when I received her email detailing a local overnight getaway at a retreat center for two days and a night, I let out a giggle! It sounded perfect.

Connie had stayed at this place several times and loved it. The accommodations were inexpensive and the chef was highly bragged upon. She suggested packing our Bibles, journals, old magazines and comfy clothes.

There were five of us and we introduced ourselves and shared why we felt the need to get away. After praying for each other Connie distributed a handout to aid in grasping a vision for the New Year. We were encouraged to ponder what God was asking us to do for Him and how He might want to grow us in 2013.

Each of us sought a private area for an hour or so and then came back together and shared. I wish I could say I was enlightened, but quite honestly I was still in a spiritual slump. After lunch, Connie got out the old magazines, scissors, glue, and poster boards.

Hmmm, we’re gonna cut and paste?

I wasn’t sure where she was going with this, or if I even wanted to participate. But, when Connie shared the personal insights she gained from making an annual poster/collage, it piqued my interest. Every year for several years, after seeking the Lord for the upcoming New Year, Connie prayerfully assembles God’s answer by creating a poster of what she senses He has laid on her heart. (She and her husband also make a poster together, encompassing their vision as a couple.) Connie then passed around her posters from previous years and I was enthralled; each year had a different theme.

“So many of these dreams and visions have come to pass,” Connie said. “Many items had been on my ‘Bucket List’, too.” My dear friend’s excitement as she invited us to participate was contagious.

While flipping through magazines for several hours, chatting and laughing at the same time with the girls, I became amazed at how certain words and pictures jumped out at me. A twinge of excitement for the future began stirring inside of my dormant spirit; it was as if I was coming back to life after a long period of hibernation. Adventures, hidden in my heart such as taking a hot air balloon ride, were tacked to my poster. And simple phrases, such as: “You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore,” by Christopher Columbus, were added, too.

Way too soon our little retreat was over. We hugged each other, made our goodbyes, and promised to do this again.

It’s been a few weeks now and I still feel refreshed. My poster hangs invitingly in my office and I smile every time I look at it. I’m excited about the future, and… I’ve already put the retreat on my calendar for next January.

Christ in you brings hope of all the great things to come (Colossians 1:27 NLV).

Focus on the Good

I am glad the new year begins during winter. Living in the Midwest with our cold, frigid temperatures can make it challenging to stay upbeat and positive; it can be a struggle not to get in a depression and get stuck there. But there is something about the simple act of taking down an expired calendar and replacing it with a fresh new one, that is akin to wiping the slate clean. Just pondering the possibilities of what lies ahead can be exciting. Only God knows what’s around the bend for each of us, and His word tells us it can be full of good things:

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” (Is 43:18-19 NIV)

I love how these verses start with a command to “forget”. God doesn’t want us to dwell on the past. While He expects us to learn from our mistakes, He doesn’t want us stuck in them. (That includes dwelling on the mistakes made by others.) By the time we get to the end of a year we can feel bogged down by all the negative stuff that has accumulated. However, a New Year can give us a much needed lift, a new outlook with creative fresh ideas.

Actually, if we were to resolve to make just one small change in our thinking this year, it could make a world of difference in our life. For instance, what if we were to focus on the good, asking God for His perspective every time life doesn’t go our way? Instead of getting angry that someone cuts us off in traffic, for example, what if we asked God for His perspective instead? We just might hear God whisper something to us like: maybe they recently found out they have cancer; or, maybe their spouse just informed them they want a divorce; or, maybe their child was just convicted of a crime. These life-changing tragedies happen to people every day, rocking their world and causing them to have a tough time with simple acts like driving.

So, what if for this upcoming year we resolved to simply be more patient and understanding with “the other guy”? How might that one small habit change our life? Personally, I’m choosing that theme for my focus this year. Every year God gives me a theme tucked inside a verse. This year, I’m sensing it should be from Ephesians, Chapter 1, “that the eyes of my heart might be enlightened”, so that I can focus on the good.

That’s not to say I will ignore those things that need dealt with, but that I want to choose to see situations through the eyes of my heart. I want to simply pause and ask myself what the other guy might be going through.

What peace might be ours if we were to allow our hearts to be governed by the “Prince of peace” this year?

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe (Ephesians 1:18-19).

Learning to Laugh at the Days to Come

Every winter I feel it coming on. As soon as the first threats of a winter storm are announced by the media, I tense up. My heart starts beating a little faster and I can feel the blood coursing thru my veins. Momentarily paralyzed, I catch myself holding my breath as a slight twinge of fear attempts to overtake me.

Ugh… winter. It’s definitely for kids.

(Pic is of my son, Chase, and daughter-in-law, Elizabeth, when they were dating in 2003. Our 160 year old farmhouse is in the background.)


I know the weathermen need to prepare us, but the sense of urgency in their voice and the constant repetition of each impending snowstorm doesn’t help calm me down, rather it gets me down. While I do appreciate their informative reminders of how to drive in the snow (along with the importance of having a full tank of gas in the winter), their warnings sometimes make me not want to leave my house at all—for days.

Also, in the winter we hear more doom and gloom about the previous year’s statistics and the poor economy. This includes everything from the rise and fall of gas prices, to the cost of bacon going down and the price of milk going up. And our taxes need computed in the winter, too, which can be depressing. The bottom line is—there is always something to get in a tizzy over. There is always something to fuss and worry about. You would think, however, the older we get the more we’d realize: Most of what we dread never happens.

How much time and energy do we waste worrying about things that never transpire? How often do we let the enemy steal our peace and joy, over…what?

So for this year I want to set some different goals. Besides my ongoing aspirations of getting healthier and more organized, I want to learn to fear less and laugh more. Like the Proverbs 31 woman, who “is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come,” I want to aspire to be more like that. This means I need to be prepared physically and mentally. When we are properly equipped it makes us stronger and more able to face adversity. Part of being physically fit is so that we can perform the duties God has assigned to us. And dignity means knowing who we are in Christ—living our life on purpose, with intent and integrity to glorify our King.

Yes, it is wise to be prepared. Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest (Proverbs 6:6-8). However, don’t let yourself get bogged down by the threat of possible doom. Instead, keep first and foremost in the front of your mind whose you are. Then you will know…The joy of the Lord is our strength, (Nehemiah 8:10).

What Do I Know to be True?

A few weeks ago, I wanted to take a quick break from writing and decided to turn on the television while cleaning up the kitchen. Seldom do I sit down to watch TV during the day, but sometimes I’ll turn it on to listen to my favorite uplifting programs. As I went to change the channel from the news station that my husband had been watching before leaving for work, I noticed the “Breaking News” headline.

Oh, no, another shooting—this time involving several young children.

I had to sit down.

Numb with sadness over the evil in this world, I struggled to process this latest senseless tragedy. In an attempt to come full circle, I asked aloud the same question I had asked myself following every tragedy since the death of my teenage stepson in 1994:

What do I know to be true?

Asking myself that simple question in relationship to God and His truth, has always gotten me through. Eighteen years earlier, while attending grief counseling with Joe, the Christian counselor who helped me cope after the sudden death of my stepson, Conan, Joe had challenged me to memorize Philippians 4: 6-7. It was then that I developed the habit of asking myself that question about God: What do I know to be true about You in the midst of this tragedy? When tragedies occur (which, sadly, they always have and they always will this side of heaven), what truth can we cling to about the Lord and His promises?

For starters, we know that God is not the author of evil; rather, He is the author of love. Some might argue that it was evil of God to allow His Son to be mistreated and to die a horrible death on the cross, but the truth is, it was out of God’s great love for mankind that He allowed His Son to carry the full weight of our sin so that we might have eternal life in Him. That’s costly, extravagant, mind-blowing love.

I know, too, that God promises to work evil out for good, for those who are His children—those who are the “called” and who know His voice and long to do His will. Even the painful death of a loved one can bring forth goodness. During times of bitterness grudges can drop by the wayside as people come together and unite in their shared grief. Many hardened hearts have cried out to the Lord in their anguish and found Him to be true to His word.

I also know that God gives us free will; we make our own choices. We cannot control the heart of another, we can only choose, with God’s help, to keep our own heart pure. Almost two decades ago I realized it was up to me to choose to begin each day in prayer and in God’s Word. Reading the Bible helps to protect our mind and guard our thoughts. There is power in God’s word.

Finally, I know to be true that God will never leave me or forsake me. Even during heart-wrenching grief, He is my comforter—my ever present help in time of need. He has proven Himself, over and over again. He is trustworthy.

God wants to be your “truth”, too. He longs to comfort you during your painful times and be the mender of your broken heart. But first, you must give Him all the pieces.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear…” (Psalm 46:1-2).

In His Truth,
Connie