Prior to advancing to the podium, I glanced over my
shoulder. Hmmm, a few dozen older ladies
and a few middle-aged women. Yeah, I got this. I was instantly put at ease.
But something happened when I arrived at the podium
and glanced out at the crowd. I’m not sure exactly what changed, but my
confidence not only left me, my speech did, as well. Even with my notes before
me, they looked like Greek, and I definitely don’t know how to read Greek.
It was
evening and I am a morning person. I knew I should have had a short nap or a little
caffeine (or both) to stay on my toes, but… I’ve shared this message before. I’ve
lived this message, for crying out loud –it’s about me and my past. This should
be easy.
So, why couldn’t I recognize the relaxed facial
expressions of the audience as possibly being tired (like I was)? Why couldn’t I
simply tell myself that they were unwinding from a long day, or maybe trying to
focus on my message?
Instead, the enemy whispered loud and clear, “They’re mad at you.”
It sounds ridiculous to type those words now, but at
the time, believe me, they were convincing.
“They
don’t like what you have to say.”
“They
don’t believe you.”
“You
are boring them.”
It went on and on, one after the other. And there
were lots of interruptions that night, too. Somehow, parents of a Boy Scout
troop thought this church was where their meeting was being held. It was only a twenty minute talk, but it felt like two hours. I said several emergency prayers throughout and I know my two friends were praying for me, too. God was faithful; He helped me get through it and to even make sense. It’s been a long time, however, since I have struggled so much to get a message of hope in Christ relayed.
The Holy Spirit showed up that night, in spite of my
blunders and in spite of the enemy's attempts to thwart me off course. After we three shared our testimonies of how amazing our God is, we
were privileged to pray with many a hurting grandma who approached us at the
altar, offering them hope, and reminding them that God loves their children and
grandchildren more than they do.
Once again God showed me that when we are weak, He
is strong. He still uses us in spite of our fears, and in spite of our over
confidence in ourselves, too. You can be sure I will not make that same mistake
of thinking, “Yeah, I got this,” again. Instead it will be, “Father, You got
this. I am simply Your willing servant. Use me for Your glory.”
For it is God who gives the increase: “I planted, Apollos watered, but God was
causing the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor
the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth.” (1 Cor. 3:7)
